Archive for the ‘Life’ Category

Jiggaboo vs. Wannabe

April 23, 2008

The world’s most believeable “straight” girl (ahem) Alicia Keys is doing this right with this right here – her School Daze homage “Teenage Love Affair”:

It be real cute and all but she ain’t touchin’ this here:

Now that’s how you wear a goddamn weave, rock a goddamn dress and ack sadditty.

Heartbeats

April 23, 2008

You know what’s real in these streets? Alcoholism. Like, for serious. A restaurant can serve gasoline-soaked woodchips with Funion garnish for all I give a cotdamn, as long as there are bangin’ ass drink specials. Wednesdays at Anytime features all-night $1 well drinks which I now refer to as communion. If I’m meeting some friends for Sunday afternoon tea, I pick up a handle of Seagram’s on the way. You know, just for mothafunkin’ kicks. Everything is better, ( work, sex, violence, whatever), when the eyelids are a little heavy.

Anyway, the point is of this story, is well…nothing, really. I just wanted to hear myself type.

I do, however, have some related, kick-ass help for the broken-hearted: the ultimate blipster break-up mix. Too sad break-up music makes you a cutter and too happy break-up music just gives you a beat to cut to. Here’s a few songs that are distracting enough to make you forget your boo and to make your life a lil’ less stoopit.

1. “Hurricane Jane” – Black Kids

“It’s Friday night and I ain’t got nobodaaay, so what’s the use of making the bed”…If you want to feel pathetic-er than usual, you can wallow in this thrashy new wave gem and wail like the abandoned club kid you are. You big baby.

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You Can Find Me In The Club…

April 7, 2008

Or here:

http://www.giantstep.net/features/206/

This is my new column on GiantStep called The Resident. They have people with sticks who prod me into updating in a timely fashion so I’m less derelict here. Music, nightlife, goats, everything your heart desires…

Hmmm…

January 7, 2008

 barbie_head_1.jpg

I’m a give it to you yokels straight. A bitch is finally gettin’ paid so she don’t have time to blog all the live long day like some pop culture peon. You rock hoes keep commenting and clicking on age-old shit that I threw together months ago on some,”fuck my job, I ain’t working for the next two hours” bullplop.
You know where I’ve been. I’ve been gettin’ dick. The dick done just infected my brain and I done lost my mind and made the idea of crawling my nekkid ass from under the covers to some eye-sizzling computer screen seem extra gay.

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The Life And Times Of A Ho

October 26, 2007

 

Hey Kids,

Gather ’round for some oversharin’!! Maybe one of the reasons I’ve been super MIA is because this rowdy African boy has made me an honest woman. It was a very sweet process where I essentially harrassed him for months until he finally gave in and yielded me complete rule over his nether-regions. We’ve been in boyfriend-and-girlfriend bliss for about a month. Longest fucking 30 days of my life.

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Arses, The Lot Of You!

October 23, 2007

Casting Call - Girl 1 

So lately I’ve been spending a lot of time being edgy. I mean, that’s kind of a complete lie, but I want to make this next rant a bit more picturesque. So, during my recent edgy exploits, I’ve been hanging with a lot of underground, indie, hipster-hop, exclusive tastemaker type jump-offs. Scenester 30 year-olds in day-glo windbreakers who have health plans and end up looking ridiculous bouncing to Plastic Little at Hiro Ballroom. Just sadness.

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Here’s The Deal

October 5, 2007

 

Recently, my sister asked me a very stupid question:

Sistah Enwird: would you watch “The Price is Right” if Dave Chappelle was the host?

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“I Was There” Files: Chemical Brothers @ Hammerstein Ballroom

September 27, 2007

 

So, I’m gonna get real. I like The Chemical Brothers. I like Fatboy Slim, Bassment Jaxx and all those other big beat acts that made instrumental music to play in the background of 90’s scripted dramas that ran on MTV for one season.

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Live Blog: Down and Derby @ Studio B

September 16, 2007

lacy.jpg 

I just want to say that thanks to my fancy grown people phone, I’m blogging live from Down and Derby at Studio B. Can I just say that the fact that I have time to blog from a party is fucking depressing.

I’m in line in a hot ass room with a bunch of American Apparel-clad bk, dick riders(myself included as I definitely bought spangled, gold hot pants specifically for the event.I’m a dorkus porkus).

I’ve blogged drunk before but this is like blogging from a coffin. Shit is mad hot and stupid…I kinda forgot why I’m here. Last time I came it was chill and rowdy and a bunch of cool kids looking for a drunken, rollicking roll around the block. But now, the shit is all corporate with sponsorship from URB, AA and other muhfuckas. I do see a boy who’s dressed absolutely perfectly in a leisure pants and a tight, patterned button-down unbuttoned down to there…

Either way, the music is whatever, I can’t believe I bought into this poser consumerism and making money sucks because you become so out of touch that you think things like a roller derby at a club can retain it’s luster after the first go around.

How sad that is.

UPDATE: It wasn’t that fucking bad.

People are on blast here

“I Was There” Files: Cool Kids @ Hiro

September 14, 2007

 

Here’s the thing. I love and hate Hiro. It’s a great concept: Take an upscale meatpacking bar and turn it over the most fabulous hipsters in the city who stand outside scowling and pretending they have real jobs while some instantly hot new dj collective spins the same medley of Daft Punk-Spank Rock-NWA randomness to a crowd soused with $4 Sparks. I mean, that’s what dreams are made of, no? No, is right.

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