Hmmm…

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I’m a give it to you yokels straight. A bitch is finally gettin’ paid so she don’t have time to blog all the live long day like some pop culture peon. You rock hoes keep commenting and clicking on age-old shit that I threw together months ago on some,”fuck my job, I ain’t working for the next two hours” bullplop.
You know where I’ve been. I’ve been gettin’ dick. The dick done just infected my brain and I done lost my mind and made the idea of crawling my nekkid ass from under the covers to some eye-sizzling computer screen seem extra gay.


But hey hey, we broke up Thursday so now I’m one of those pathetic single girls trolling New York city looking for love and…ugh, god…you know the rest…

This breakup was extra foolish though. For once, I actually gave a cot damn that I might never see the rugrat ever again (he’s moving to Europe to get his “master’s degree” aka flounce around cobblestone streets like a runaway slave with a passport). So I spent a couple days being…weird. I went to Toys R Us in Times Square – by myself – and looked at Barbies. They’ve got these flimsy “career” barbies but the only jobs they have are ballet teacher and baby photographer. Where’s hooker? Where’s syncophant? Where’s washed up ‘ol hag? Where’s female to male transexual? These brats just have no ambition. With that in mind, let’s make a clumsy, random ass transition to my thoughts on the ’07.

In a word: doo-wop.

One thing I did love was how Mark Ronson cummed all over you shitty pants DJs and producers. Allido was stealin’ on you hoes!! Amy Winehouse, Marky Mark hisself and much welcomed new DC MC Wale were overness in the ’07. The LaCrate/Ronson parties at the ultra creepy Love bar in the West Village were real official and Amy Wino proved to be the best thing that happened to tabloids since cocaina.

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Now that’s how you do rock ho. I was definitely jockin’ everything Fool’s Gold but cotdammit if’n they don’t get their distribution together. I’m not enough of a geekazoid to be trackin’ down mixtapes  so I’ma need you to be a lot less esoteric and a lot more Wal-Mart with your product placement. Also, no more coddling pansy-ass “artists” in the ’08. Return emails, stop working on “indie label time” and chase the almighty dollar. Else, I ain’t fuckin’ wit’chu.

And Sharon  Jones and those buttery soundscape technicians The Dap Kings got some proper due. After clutching on to the  Motown sound for an infinitesimal 40 years, the sound came roaring back amongst  douchey  downtown kids who buy $11 40 ounces . God bless them.

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Plus  Nicole Willis and the Soul Investigators did the  same thing ‘ceptin nobody really cared that much.

’07 was kind of a ‘meh’ year in music for me. I mean, Talib, Common and Pharaohe put out arguably their best albums this year, and Radiohead and Saul Williams let you pay for their album in marshmallow circus peanuts. But otherwise, I was over a lot of it.

Maybe  ’08 will change things and we’ll see the release of corporate Barbie, nail technician Barbie or Polio Barbie. You know, something the kids can aspire to.

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One Response to “Hmmm…”

  1. Michael Says:

    Mark Ronson was the shiz-nit.

    Have you heard Wale’s remix of Justice’s “D.A.N.C.E.”??? Well, he just basically raps over Justice’s song, but it’s HOTTT. Go over to hypem and dl it today

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