“I Was There” Files: Cool Kids @ Hiro

 

Here’s the thing. I love and hate Hiro. It’s a great concept: Take an upscale meatpacking bar and turn it over the most fabulous hipsters in the city who stand outside scowling and pretending they have real jobs while some instantly hot new dj collective spins the same medley of Daft Punk-Spank Rock-NWA randomness to a crowd soused with $4 Sparks. I mean, that’s what dreams are made of, no? No, is right.

After dinner with a shady afrikan boy (who stole my money!!!), an industry party chock full of my favorite writers where I tried not to nut when meeting my favorite byline authors, I got to Hiro around 12:30, almost exactly when The Cool Kids hit the stage. Now see, I like these motherfuckers. They make modern retro hip hop which is a little more of the hardcore party and bullshit vibe versus the sunny Fresh Prince foolery.

Um, but snaps to those two. They made it work. It was high energy and although the upwardly mobile negro in me was too keen on them dropping in N-bomb in front of a room full of stankin’ ass ofays, the other 99.9 percent of me thought it was like, totally awesome. Totally. I heard about four songs and during one they brought up some fool to do the harlem shake. They brought up Adam representing, I don’t know, Crackerville who instead did an “Irish Jig” which to me, looked like he was trying to shake feces off his knee caps. Then some tragic mulatto gal bumrushed the stage and started backing it up and I officially gave up on my people – even the ones on the fringe. The closed out with “Gold and A Pager” which really is the only way to end a concert. Outmoded clunky hip-rattling mobile devices and a commodity-turned-dental accessory is the reason I wake up every morning. That and, I usually have to sneak out of the bed before “that cute guy from the bar” wakes up and starts asking where his wallet is…

The picture above is why we have to take back the night from pallid, hipster white women. They are a threat to the street cred of bourgeoning rappers everywhere.

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4 Responses to ““I Was There” Files: Cool Kids @ Hiro”

  1. exclusivelyexclusive Says:

    Yo, Conny, what you know about CMJ passes? You know anyone who can hook me up? I’m not tryin to pay $500 for that. Help a sister out.

  2. connykate Says:

    Sure, whatever. Let me just take my head out the oven first.

  3. Lady Half-Breed Says:

    It’s parties like this that make me miss New York. I fell in love with Cool Kids when I heard the lyrics to “Gettin’ It”, that joint with Lil Wayne.

    “If I had a hundred grand well I’d be goddamned if I threw it in the air like I didn’t care… I could take that and spend it on a pair of LA Gears with the front tips and the lights in the rears. Use my spare change, get them green handle bars where the grips is clear”

    Oh do me!

  4. lou Says:

    i’m from chicago. like that shit matters with me responding to this post. but goddamn..this shit is hilarious. the truth HERTS.

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