“You Ignant Fuckwad!”: A Conversation With Little Marvin


Hellooooooo children! I’s got something special for you!!! Introducing another crazy negro, Little Marvin!!!

Recently I sat down with ( by “sat down with” I mean “emailed questions to”…bless the MySpace) NY comic and all-American phool,

Little Marvin.  I caught wind of his comedy a while back and stalked him like a nutbar for a few weeks. When I convinced him that

answering a couple questions would be way less messy than that whole restraining-order dealie, he sent over these answers. Enjoy!

1) Why are you so funny? You got a cocaine problem or something?

A: Cocaine problem? Oxymoron. Anyway, it’s medical cocaine. Legal.

2) How did all this foolishness (I guess you’d call it comedy) start?

A: I suppose 3 things contributed to what the world is modestly deeming my ‘comic brilliance’:

1) I was conceived while my parent’s were watching Eddie Murphy’s ‘Raw’. My dad assumed my mom was laughing at the movie.
2) I had few friends growing up, so I spent a good portion of my early life in an imaginary world of my own making: I could fly. Everyone was made of marshmallow. The Holocaust happened. What a kid can’t dream up, huh?
3) This is very difficult for me to talk about but…I was molested by 80s comedian Gallagher as a child. He lured me with smashed watermelons. Which was both racist, and a great prop bit. I learned a lot that summer.

3) As an incisive, clever, some may say uppity even, negro do you ever get death threats?

A: Why do you think they call me the Salman Rushdie of Crown Heights? Word is a Muslim rapper has issued a Phatwa.

4) How much of your work do you draw from personal experience (I mean, we’ve aaalll called little blonde first graders “Sugartits.” It’s hard not to, really)?

A: If you’re asking do I have a small penis – the answer Conny, is no. It’s big. Profoundly big. And dark. With a healthy shine. Like the most beautiful, Whole Foods, organic eggplant. Are you a vegan?

5) Where are you from? Were there an abundance of negroes there?

A: I came from my mother’s vagina. So, yes.

6) Did you draw that cartoon logo?

A: No. My prodigiously gifted design assistant Tara Oles did. I can only take credit for how hot my face is.

7) Do you still talk white?

A: Talking white is so 2006. It’s all about Samoan this year.

8) Octoroons were all the rage in the 1920s. Do you think they’ll be making a comeback anytime soon?

A: I’m sorry. I don’t watch The Discovery Channel.

9) What do you want for your birthday?

A: An Ipod Nano. Or a baby. Or a really thin, white baby that can hold 10,000 songs.

10) Do you have a favorite negro? Mine is Ethel Waters.

A: Ethel Waters was overrated. His Eye is on the Sparrow? What the fuck does that even mean??

Mine is Lil’ Jon.

11) Will you marry me?

A: I’m not into Blacks, Conny. It’s not a ‘racial thing’. It’s purely aesthetic. I look great in white.

But call me after Labor Day.



4 Responses to ““You Ignant Fuckwad!”: A Conversation With Little Marvin”

  1. jenna Says:

    LOVE HIM!!!! OMG

  2. Rob Fields Says:

    Hilarious! But, it raises a serious question: Conny, have you met your match? Hmmm. . .

  3. darren Says:

    um, where has this dude been all my life???

  4. connykate Says:

    Isn’t he dreamy?

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