Sea Lion Woman

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Dear Canadia,

Thanks for sending down your sexy, neo-soul, boho-types – Conny appreciates pliable, naive, easily accessible ass (even though their heads are often full of cotton).

But please, can you do anything about that squirrely accent? “What’s the movie aboot?” “Let’s go to my hoose,” “You wanna put it in your mooth?”

That shit is unappetizing.

Be waiting with my legs open and my fingers in my ears,

Conny

Of course Conny told herself she’d chill out and in typical splaboovian fashion she got even more redunk than usual. She sends sorries to the people she gave allergic reactions to (my lip gloss be poppin’!…either that or I’ve got The Clap), kisses to all the gorgeous guys swarming Fort Greene (it’d be great if you all didn’t have the ghey so bad) and snaps to my pimp-ass Indian girlfriends who can turn two hours at a rat trap on Bedford Ave into Studio 54 replete with group sex and lines of, let’s say, Splenda.

So speaking of Canadian phoolery, I came across this track by Feist that has me looking at America Jr. all sideways. Feist has been flooding the market with some obnoxiously catchy shit lately and I think I hate her for that reason alone. Like, why are you so good at this? I’m only used to excessive head-bopping in the late night hours (heeeeeeeeeey…).

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Girlfriend covers Nina Simone’s “Seeline Woman” (the Masters At Work mix always gets me wet) providing a cheeky title twist with the track “Sea Lion Woman” (Oh Canadia!). Ms. Thing throws in hand claps, guitars and a choir of what sounds like assorted colored persons in a surprisingly capable revamp of my favorite Nina joint. So I guess add this to other creepily ubiquitous jawns like “My Moon, My Man” (my partners-in-phoolery Jose and Tippy masterbate to the Noiseboyz remix) and YouTube candy “1,2,3,4” to reasons why you need to ride Feist’s dick. Grab a saddle, children. Plus she takes all these pretty pics…it’s hard not to keep throwing up her grill like a Tourettes-ridden five-year-old.

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The GiantStep JukeBox is the jumpoff for Fiest and other fly foreigners.

Plus here’s the vid. Archival footage is wiggity wiggity wack, though.

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21 Responses to “Sea Lion Woman”

  1. BoulderBill Says:

    If your girlfriend is covering Nina’s song, it’s likely a cover of a cover. John Lomax recorded the McDonald Family singing “Sea Lion Woman” in 1939, but the nonpareil version was recorded some two weeks earlier and sung by two daughters of a Mississippi sharecropper – Katherine and Christine Shipp. It was recorded by Herbert Halpert who was also on the field trip for the Library of Congress.

    You can hear a clip at Amazon as it is on the CD, “Afro-American Blues and Game Songs.” It is a song they sang while skipping rope and is truly mesmerizing. I also picked up the soundtrack to “The General’s Daughter” just because there are two versions of their song on it. Sixty years later Greg Hale Jones puts their short clip on a loop, digitally reworks it and the result is just as mesmerizing as ever, but with a haunting twist.

    Thanks for bringing Leslie Feist’s version to my attention. I will have to add it to my collection.

  2. connykate Says:

    Oh wow, seriously thank you. I would never have known the origins of this song. I’m definitely gonna check out all the versions you mentioned.

    Thanks again!

  3. gsgsagas Says:

    canadian’s don’t have that bad an accent you dumb cunt. Try listen to yourself, see y’all later.

  4. DS Says:

    I’m speechless…FYI…I have yet to hear one Canadian say anything that remotely sounds like ABOOT, HOOSE, or MOOTH! You moron.

    And yes…I did stereotype you as a “classic American”…you did that one yourself. Oh by the way, Canadian is spelled with an “n” at the end…who’s the dumb one now 🙂

    Ya’ll go blow up another country now ya hear! YEEEEHHHAAAAA! Fucking yahoo’s

  5. Michael Says:

    HIlarious. I came across this post from a google search for Feist.

    I personally knew a Canadian once back in high school. he was kinda weird.

  6. Michael Says:

    hope you don’t mind but I stole a picture from this post (to use in my blog). if you happened to be the one who took it, i’ll take it down. otherwise…i’m keepin’ it!

  7. The 28 Best Albums of 2007 « Hopping Into Puddles Says:

    […] Page France is like a sunshine-y, lyrically happily absurd Elliott Smith. I think. I’ve always liked their combination of religion and absurdity. But the album is too long and too many songs sound alike. Cutting and combining it into 10 songs would’ve made it the adorably perfect ray of warm happiness it strives to be. I also like when a band utilizes the perfect girl/guy lead vocals combo like Page France does. “Wet Dog Afternoon” “Here’s a Telephone” 24. Feist – The Reminder I love her voice and really like it when she sings in French. Not sure if she does it on this album. I think she does it in at least one song. I have a crush on Leslie Feist. Here is a picture of my crush, jacked from a hilarious, possibly offensive, but mostly hilarious post by Conny Kate. […]

  8. Stephenson Says:

    You seem pretty ignorant and intolerant when it comes to other cultures. Perhaps you need to escape from America Sr. for a little while in order to see how untrue your perceptions truly are. The voice thing – yeah, very funny – that’s like making a joke about people from the southern United States, or New York, or California – wait, does that mean there are regional dialects? And – does that mean that not all people in all regions speak that way. Learn, learn learn, my most uneducated cultural misanthrope.

  9. connykate Says:

    Honestly all of you salty Canadians need to understand the internet is not another place to police free speech but is rather the most democratic medium we have right now.

    If you knew what irreverence meant you would understand that my tone is very tongue in cheek. And if you read the rest of blog you would realize that I take everyone to task from New York to Canada to Africa. I’m not going to leave you kids out of it just because you can’t take a joke. Whether or not everyone in that area speaks that way is totally irrelevant. Trust, click around more and you’ll find some yokels being talked about. And New York and California are still in America. Regardless of region, both ways of speaking are American. If you go to say Paris, speaking like that, they’re not going to tall you a New Yorker, they are going to call you American. Are you telling me that accent isn’t Canadian? Come on now…

    What is really pissing my off is that you’re just assuming that just because I use a certain blog alter-ego, that I am uneducated. Rarely, do I come out of ConnyKate but you and all those frowning mounties in this post are really bringing down my buzz. I know I dish it out and I can take it, but you all are getting pissed over a post that is pointing out one of life’s little foibles. In addition, the above scenario was about my experience. My dear post pundit, why not look up self-deprecating when you have a chance?

    And also why so sensitive? Did I hit a sore spot? I must have because honestly I’ve been to Canada. Many times. Have lots of family. Lots of African family members who get passed over for jobs because of their race (and yes it is because of their race. Even with MBAs from McGill and 15 years of experience). Lots of family members who are put down because they don’t speak French. That’s how you all appreciate other cultures? And I’m sure your argument will be, “but that’s not all of us.” But it’s enough of you that it can determine how your country is characterized.

    And even in this response you’re pushing for some type of homogeneity that I’m not going to give you. Would you rather I rewrite this post in a way that blindly praises all things Canadian (even though this is a largely laudatory post about Feist’s talents)? You would rather I express my self in a certain way, right? How about you just sit there and tolerate it?

    You can take offense at my words because “Conny” is short for controversial but never, ever underestimate me.

  10. ... Says:

    whoa conny kate’s on her rag, take a chill pill
    your just as bothered by other people’s comments as they are to yours
    make love not war

  11. TomWhitemiddleagedGuy Says:

    Wow. I came across connykate while searching for pics of Fiest. I love thei sealion video, but most of all I am impressed with ConnyKates’ ability to fire up you humorless Canadians! (except the one funny guy who suggests we need to get about the serious business of unilaterally blowing the shit out of some other unsuspecting third or twopointfive world country – that was some funny stuff)
    Other great Canadian artists? Tons of them! (sorry tonnes of them, eh?) How about Neil Young? Never been a more musical white guy.
    Keep it coming Kate. Don’t let those small-minded Canadians hold you back. They are the ones with bad hockey-hairdo’s.

  12. drea Says:

    “Lots of family members who are put down because they don’t speak French. That’s how you all appreciate other cultures?”

    in qc? well ya, if you’re going to live in qc (even in montreal) learn the language

  13. Sreena Lang Says:

    “…the internet is not another place to police free speech but is rather the most democratic medium we have right now.”

    Wow, that’s pretty deep…

    Well okay then. And what exactly is this shitty little twee blog about now? Most blogs exist for some sort of purpose, others just wee little online diaries for attention-seeking no-bots. I think we have the latter here.

    Seems you’ve got quite the sad little fanbase here. Real intellectual giants like *TomWhitemiddleagedGuy*, who claims to be here looking Feist pics, but his Google search actually caught the “ho” shite sprinkled all over this blog. (There ‘ya go Tom, for wank material you just killed two birds with one stone. Although for me, this ConnyKate thingy – he/she/it – comes across as a real libido kill, regardless of gender. But hey Tom, has fun filling up your palm).

    And *Michael*, well, he’s just gotta’ be some sort of intellectual property lawyer or something similar…he’s actually asking her permission to copy the Feist pics. You know, in case she took them herself. (Yeah, Mikey…she shot the video, too. Really, you can see her creative skillz all over this blog, can’t ‘ya now?)

    And as for issues of race all over this blog, I’ve only one thing to say: Jesus – and Bill Cosby – wept.

    ConnyKate, or whatever the fuck your name is, I mean it when I write this:

    ENJOY YOUR FAIL.

    Ta ta now…

  14. Melba Says:

    canadians DO say oooout and abooout… as do folks from minnesota [minneSODA] and Some areas of North’rn Wisconsin. Don’t Cha’know?

    Now, go have a big bowl of beer cheese soup.

  15. Michael Says:

    Wow…some people take life way too seriously. This…is a BLOG. Did you understand that last sentence? A…blog…B-L-O-G.

    A humor blog at that. But let’s not get ahead of ourselves. I don’t want to leave you all behind. Let’s first understand that this is a blog.

    Feel free to take this spelling lesson and use it however you wish, Sreena Lang. Don’t worry, it’s perfectly legal. I am indeed an intellectual property lawyer and I’m giving you my professional legal advice. The first one’s free, then I start charging.

    You guys should all check out the blog, Stuff White People Like. I’m sure you all would have a ball in the comments section there.

  16. Michael Says:

    Oh Canadia!

  17. cKen Says:

    methinks you’ve struck a nerve in the collection of Canadians (or anyone else) who lack senses of humor.

    that aside, feist is kickass. snaps for making her your topic of choice. double snaps for the jokes, they made me giggle. i vote you talk about an artist from new jersey next so you can make greasy guido jokes and then i’ll REALLY laugh.

  18. Canadian Says:

    You’re angry because people are giving you flack for saying Canadians say “aboot” and “hoose” (perhaps some do, but most don’t). You then try to jump out of your “controversial” blog persona and pull a “I’m highly educated, look at my lucid and punctuated retort to you humourless idiots” response. This totally defeats your stated purpose; if you’re going for controversy, stir shit up then let it hit the fan. Also, never ever drop the “persona” you try to cultivate, or the persona is useless. As for the American entertainment industry, probably about three quarters of your writers, actors, comedians, etc., are Canadians. Even Louis B. Mayer moved down from Canada. Point is, Canadian entertainers move down there for the money (US has more money to throw around because you have a bigger market)–but it’s still all Canadian talent. My problem with the post isn’t the tired jokes about the way people supposedly talk, but the fact that the post wasn’t funny.

  19. csil Says:

    im pretty sure feist has more talent in her pinky finger than you do in your entire body. don’t get offended. i’m just simply speaking my mind. you should just sit there and tolerate it. putting other people down who have used their lives in far better ways than you have a.k.a. writting stupid ass blogs, is extremely immature and i find it pretty damn hilarious. you should really do something about all of those insecurities.

  20. Leah Says:

    AHAHAHAHAH! I love this entry. It’s so very American.
    I think what’s bothering some of these people is a very, very small percentage of Canadians say “aboot” and “hoose” and whatnot. Mostly maritimers. But maritimers are lovely people. I’m all for poking fun at other cultures, especially Canadians (I am Canadian, after all), but I think what’s getting on people’s nerves is the fact you’re kinda inaccurate. Maybe find yourself an atlas. Then find Newfoundland. These are the Canadians with pronounced accents. Note its tiny landmass. I’m all for you being irreverent or whatever you fancy, I just think it would be more effective if you made fun of Candians for something that’s actually applicable.

    I don’t like Feist either.
    And, Feist isn’t from Newfoundland.

    Cheers!

  21. Michael Says:

    This post (and all the comments) STILL cracks me up.

    =)

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