Nigerians Are Trifling, Crunchy, Hot Ass Messes


They are. Anyone who’s met a naija who’s barreled towards you in green and white smelling like puff puff and trying to get you to wire money to Abuja knows what I’m talking about. And those of you who don’t are probably white and therefore very lucky (but aren’t you always the lucky ones – wily devils).

Anyway, during my daily MySpace troll, I found this fool Niyi who music gives me the biggest boner. His equally spaced out yet clicky London Demo with it’s “Price Is Right” horns and chewy bass is making my ears bleed in the best way possible. Judging by the name, Niyi (he probably has some obnoxiously long-ass naija last name like Uchechukwungennaenichisansheetakesitbutthebuttolu) this Bri-ish brova is of that country’s triflin’ ilk.

But he dresses like a hip hop rodeo clown, looks like the illegitimate spawn of Shabba Ranks and a pack of Skittles and makes songs about boinking “Ur Mummy” because you’re black ass is too boring. Suffice to say, I love it.

Obligatory MySpace link:

“Yes sir I’m Conny about to take over the world, but I won’t forget where I’m from” (click the link to get in the know…bitch)

Oh and someone else in the world gets it. Blipster is the fucking fantastic. It’s the goddamn way to go. See, lookee:

 In other news, I’m getting fat. Now I’m not one of those paleskins who’s like “the curve of my ass is no longer convex. I’m obese,” but I am getting a little portly. Plus Conny’s an African and skinny to us isn’t stylish, it usually means AIDS. So I like a little jiggle when I wiggle but this is getting out of hand. But don’t worry, porky Conny’s still fly…shoot…


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