Dear Racially – Ambiguous Skinny Ho,


Dear Cassie,

I see you’ve taken to wearing your hair in a radiant shade of urine yellow and I’m going to need you to stop.

You’re not Beyonce. You’re not fucking Jay-Z you’re fucking Diddy – you’ve got to keep these things straight. If you can’t even remember which big-lipped black mogul you’re screwing how are you ever gonna make it in this business. 

You’ve already taken to believing you’re the ‘Yonce and you’ve only slept your way to one hit single. You’ve got to bruise those knees a bit more if you want to be double-platinum and hold down the blue-chip endorsement deals.

Besides, Rihanna does a much better Beyonce than you and she is also screwing Jay.

Get it together.


Here’s Cassie at a recent premiere with a pic of Beyonce circa FIVE FUCKING YEARS AGO!! Baby Jesus wept.

Maybe I should just sit down though because I definitely did wear my shirt backwards to work yesterday. Granted I didn’t come in looking like this:


But I’m still fool.


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