I Usually Don’t Like Nigerians…

But this shit is genius…

I”ve got a law degree…and I thank god for that…

The Death

So Musiq Soulchild bent over and wagged his asscheeks in the open air for the charts. How ghey. His new video “Radio” and his whole -fauxhawk-tight teans swagger is so 2006. And 2006 sucked.

It’s catchy (or something) but it’s not what you go to Musiq for. Stevie Wonder could make shitty emo but like, why? If you’re gonna fake a personality, at least make it provocative. He could channel a blinged-out, tanned Marc Jacobs. That ho’s got the crazy for real.

A Little Bit.

 

Sweden is for girls who look like cokey versions of the original Becky from Roseanne. So let’s welcome Lykke Li! She’s the Scandavian answer to Feist, with a healthy sprinkle of “um…ok” from the WTF Fairy.

I’m lovin’ it

www.myspace.com/lykkeli

Does This Count?

So. If you remake one of the funkaaayest songs in the galaxy and it sounds friggin’ awesome are you talented? Are you lucky? Are you even relevant? Are you just a conduit for coolness? A receptacle for radness? A tunnel for tubularness?

Is Rio En Medio worth talking about? Gorilla vs. Bear thinks so http://gvsbchris.com/letsgroove.mp3

Do they matter? Whatever.

For Serious…?

So Nas’ “N*gger” album is a whole big nasty problem. I don’t know (maybe I just don’t care) how I feel about that whole racial beehive. But NYOil is back with some foolery called “Wigga Wigger” where he shouts out the most divisive racial slurs like they were cuddly little…um cuddles. I don’t know what I’m talking about but you judge. What is this? Is it artsy or just fartsy? (Jesus, I suck at this writing stuff. Meh, it’s been a while).

NYOil – “Wigga, Wigger”

http://www.divshare.com/download/4320921-cba

Jiggaboo vs. Wannabe

The world’s most believeable “straight” girl (ahem) Alicia Keys is doing this right with this right here – her School Daze homage “Teenage Love Affair”:

It be real cute and all but she ain’t touchin’ this here:

Now that’s how you wear a goddamn weave, rock a goddamn dress and ack sadditty.

Heartbeats

You know what’s real in these streets? Alcoholism. Like, for serious. A restaurant can serve gasoline-soaked woodchips with Funion garnish for all I give a cotdamn, as long as there are bangin’ ass drink specials. Wednesdays at Anytime features all-night $1 well drinks which I now refer to as communion. If I’m meeting some friends for Sunday afternoon tea, I pick up a handle of Seagram’s on the way. You know, just for mothafunkin’ kicks. Everything is better, ( work, sex, violence, whatever), when the eyelids are a little heavy.

Anyway, the point is of this story, is well…nothing, really. I just wanted to hear myself type.

I do, however, have some related, kick-ass help for the broken-hearted: the ultimate blipster break-up mix. Too sad break-up music makes you a cutter and too happy break-up music just gives you a beat to cut to. Here’s a few songs that are distracting enough to make you forget your boo and to make your life a lil’ less stoopit.

1. “Hurricane Jane” – Black Kids

“It’s Friday night and I ain’t got nobodaaay, so what’s the use of making the bed”…If you want to feel pathetic-er than usual, you can wallow in this thrashy new wave gem and wail like the abandoned club kid you are. You big baby.

You Can Find Me In The Club…

Or here:

http://www.giantstep.net/features/206/

This is my new column on GiantStep called The Resident. They have people with sticks who prod me into updating in a timely fashion so I’m less derelict here. Music, nightlife, goats, everything your heart desires…

Hmmm…

 

I’m a give it to you yokels straight. A bitch is finally gettin’ paid so she don’t have time to blog all the live long day like some pop culture peon. You rock hoes keep commenting and clicking on age-old shit that I threw together months ago on some,”fuck my job, I ain’t working for the next two hours” bullplop.
You know where I’ve been. I’ve been gettin’ dick. The dick done just infected my brain and I done lost my mind and made the idea of crawling my nekkid ass from under the covers to some eye-sizzling computer screen seem extra gay.

The Life And Times Of A Ho

 

Hey Kids,

Gather ’round for some oversharin’!! Maybe one of the reasons I’ve been super MIA is because this rowdy African boy has made me an honest woman. It was a very sweet process where I essentially harrassed him for months until he finally gave in and yielded me complete rule over his nether-regions. We’ve been in boyfriend-and-girlfriend bliss for about a month. Longest fucking 30 days of my life.