The Life And Times Of A Ho

 

Hey Kids,

Gather ’round for some oversharin’!! Maybe one of the reasons I’ve been super MIA is because this rowdy African boy has made me an honest woman. It was a very sweet process where I essentially harrassed him for months until he finally gave in and yielded me complete rule over his nether-regions. We’ve been in boyfriend-and-girlfriend bliss for about a month. Longest fucking 30 days of my life.

Anyway, I’m fairly rowdy between the sheets. I’ve only gotten into sex thing recently so I’m making up for years of lost slut time. Since I’m now someone’s one and only (for this week anyway) that gives me free reign to live out all my porno dreams. So, we had a round of early-morning make-up sex (he likes to dawdle and that makes me want to cut him) and at 10 am when I was supposed to be waltzing into my office, fresh faced with a double capp coursing through my veins I was instead getting plugged in various orefices and making my roomates uncomfortable with my mid-morning moans.

So long nasty story short, I’m not afraid of liquids and homeboy went off like old fucking faithful and I got the nastiness in my eye. I didn’t think it would be that big of a deal and tried to wipe it but it just got more irritated. I forgot to buy Visine again and I learned that tap water doesn’t have the same soothing quality. So I went to work, two hours late with my ballet flats, argyle tights, pedal pushers and cum eye. The shit still itches.

You know, being in a relationship is supposed to make you more respectable but somehow….

I’m one of the lucky ones.